I wish I were more articulate. I wish I could say more or impart how I feel more aptly. I can't. I just don't feel like my family deserves me, aside from my dad.
I want my mom to know how disappointing she is. She helped me survive my life-threatening auto-immune disease and has been trying to kill me ever since. She's so unaware of herself, of her excesses, her contradictions, her stupid actions, that she deserves nothing from me.
I like to think that my parents never worked out as a couple because they lacked a fundamental understanding of the other sex and so became caricatures of their own sex, their own selves.
My stepmom, whom I owe money to, has become a heinous bitch. I think she may come around once I have a job and have paid her mostly back, but I don't fucking care for her at all, otherwise. It's not that I hold grudges - I just refuse to forget how inhuman she has been to me for so long. I can't wait to write her and my mom and maybe my stepdad letters. And my brother. I have given up on most people which sucks. All because of my family.
I'd like to go to grad school in evolutionary psychology at UCSB and I really need to lay the foundation.
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