Untitled 3 (Weekend Review #21) 18 May 2014

Do I want to find a job?  Or do I just want to get out of my mom's house and never see her again?  Will I lost my cat?  WTF.  I just know I can't stand her or my brother.  My dad is kinda cool because he at least has helped me a ton and continues to give me work.  I want to cut ties.

I need to tell my brother not to come here unless I ask him to.  No love for anyone right now.

Move things to dad's, move everything out of mom's.  Fuck that bitch.  Get out.  Write letters to mom and Trey.  Gooooooodbye.

Why i'm pissed at my mother and brother: It's complicated but I feel they're both responsible for my situation to a degree.

My mom because she whined to my stepdad and couldn't just tell me to stop using her phone and computer and my brother because he told me he'd help set me up in Longview if I moved back.

Untitled 2 (Saturday Life #23) 17 May 2014

"There is a deep well of sadness in me.  I fear I am moving to a dissociative state."

I wish I were more articulate.  I wish I could say more or impart how I feel more aptly.  I can't.  I just don't feel like my family deserves me, aside from my dad.

I want my mom to know how disappointing she is.  She helped me survive my life-threatening auto-immune disease and has been trying to kill me ever since.  She's so unaware of herself, of her excesses, her contradictions, her stupid actions, that she deserves nothing from me.

I like to think that my parents never worked out as a couple because they lacked a fundamental understanding of the other sex and so became caricatures of their own sex, their own selves.

My stepmom, whom I owe money to, has become a heinous bitch.  I think she may come around once I have a job and have paid her mostly back, but I don't fucking care for her at all, otherwise.  It's not that I hold grudges - I just refuse to forget how inhuman she has been to me for so long.  I can't wait to write her and my mom and maybe my stepdad letters.  And my brother.  I have given up on most people which sucks.  All because of my family.

I'd like to go to grad school in evolutionary psychology at UCSB and I really need to lay the foundation.

Untitled (Friday Life #21) 16 May 2014

Tonight will be the fourth night I stay at The Community House.  Without them, I'd be homeless.  My mother kicked me out of her house because she saw sexual text messages I'd sent to someone.  I had just spent 2 weeks busting my ass for her at the barn and I forgot to close the website.  It sucks bad.  I know I've been lazy and poorly organized at times in my life.  Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  That would be my biggest flaw.  Confusing intention with action.

I mean, despite the fact that I'm an atheist and think that most people act from a mostly selfish drive, I do believe that good intentions CAN lead to good action, altruistic action. 

Thursday (A Look At The Weekend #20) 15 May 2014

Time to move on up.  I've busted my ass for two days at my dad's house and tomorrow I will be looking for a job quite heavily.  It should get interesting :)

Chromeo Wednesday (Music #19) 14 May 2014

Sleeping at the homeless shelter wasn't too bad.  :)  Ummm.. now I have to do night #2.
Listening to the new Chromeo album.  It's ok so far :)

Inhale New Life (Film #19) 13 May 2014

I've seen a lot of movies lately.  But I'm homeless now so I won't be able to write about them very well, for the time being :)

I'm Back in the Saddle Again (I mean that as non-sexually as possible) (ALATWA #23) 12 May 2014

It's been a busy few weeks of weird occurrences, no computer, helping my mom after surgery, and various other great reasons to not blog.  I feel I've been successfully in my slackerism.  Time to get back to it.

So basically there isn't much going on this week.  I need to keep researching methods for rehabilitating my student loans.  Jobs at LCC and the LPL.  Resumes/Applications need to be submitted.  Need to send in my Washington State Pharmacy Tech Application as well.  That's about it.  And write.  And read.  And exercise.  And play guitar.  Simple enough, right?  Back to work at my dad's tomorrow too, which is kind of cool.

Love,
Cody

Not Suki Jones.