Untitled 8 (Saturday Life #24) 24 May 2014

Oh the job-searching.

Untitled 7 (Friday Life #22) 23 May 2014

The end of May is upon us, and I'm still at the Community House.  I'm thinking that June may actually be the cruelest month, Thomas.

I'm still working through Neanderthal Man.  Not much to say about life at this point.  Back to work.  :)

Untitled 6 (A Look At The Weekend #20) 22 May 2014

Time to start digging.  I gotta get a job and do something with my life!  Haha.  Still reading Svante Paabo's "Neanderthal Man" at the library and watched a bit more of Boondock Saints 2 last night.  Weird movie.  I can't hear it with the sound turned so low, so I'm not really sure what 's being said, but it has a corny ambiance that makes the "franchise" of BS actually bs.  :)

Untitled 5 (Music #20) 21 May 2014

Film.  Somehow I wrote about it yesterday.  My stepmom can't handle me working for my dad, so I won't be going up there anymore.  Fucking bitch.  Anxiety attacks.  Just like Julia.  I hate them both.  Leechy fuckers.  But so is my brother, so it serves him right.

Now my mom is mad that I don't say goodnight when I leave her house.  My stepdad is mad about it too.  Well fuck them both.  Jesus.  I have to be nice to the people that are kicking me as my teeth are being kicked in.

She says that I left her in a shitty state, haha!  Yes, I'm sorry I didn't clean up as I was moving into the homeless shelter.  Idiot.  Bide your time.  Wait until you can make it count.

Then fucking cut all ties.  They can rot.  I can't believe how much bullshit I deal with on a daily basis from these god-damned genes!!

Apparently I've angered my stepdad too, so much so that he thinks I'm rude.  He's the one who calls people assholes and idiots to their face and he thinks other people are rude??  Fucking dumb fuck.

How do I extricate myself from my poisoned family??

Untitled 4 (Film #20) 20 May 2014

Film. I've watched parts of Hall Pass (a terrible movie I've already seen before - Jason Sudaikis is the epitome of average), all of Ted (I really liked it), some bad Sci-fi with The Rock and bits and pieces of other movies since I've lived in the nuthouse. Most are really bad. I spent like 9 hours at my mom's today sleeping and playing MTG! What a waste, but seriously, I feel I have nothing to really try for at this point. I mean, I'm hoping I realize how I need to get a job and an apartment, but I've spent the last week with my pharmacy tech app for Washington complete and done nothing about it. Oh well.

I told my brother not to visit me at this place again and he decided to get indignant about it. How can I blame him? Righteous indignation runs in the family.

The only statement I can make here is that you can shit on me all you want and I'll keep winning. God, I sound like Charlie Sheen. I've listened to most of the new Agalloch, "The Serpent & The Sphere," and I must say, it's very good.


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Location:Louisiana St,Longview,United States

Untitled 3 (Weekend Review #21) 18 May 2014

Do I want to find a job?  Or do I just want to get out of my mom's house and never see her again?  Will I lost my cat?  WTF.  I just know I can't stand her or my brother.  My dad is kinda cool because he at least has helped me a ton and continues to give me work.  I want to cut ties.

I need to tell my brother not to come here unless I ask him to.  No love for anyone right now.

Move things to dad's, move everything out of mom's.  Fuck that bitch.  Get out.  Write letters to mom and Trey.  Gooooooodbye.

Why i'm pissed at my mother and brother: It's complicated but I feel they're both responsible for my situation to a degree.

My mom because she whined to my stepdad and couldn't just tell me to stop using her phone and computer and my brother because he told me he'd help set me up in Longview if I moved back.

Untitled 2 (Saturday Life #23) 17 May 2014

"There is a deep well of sadness in me.  I fear I am moving to a dissociative state."

I wish I were more articulate.  I wish I could say more or impart how I feel more aptly.  I can't.  I just don't feel like my family deserves me, aside from my dad.

I want my mom to know how disappointing she is.  She helped me survive my life-threatening auto-immune disease and has been trying to kill me ever since.  She's so unaware of herself, of her excesses, her contradictions, her stupid actions, that she deserves nothing from me.

I like to think that my parents never worked out as a couple because they lacked a fundamental understanding of the other sex and so became caricatures of their own sex, their own selves.

My stepmom, whom I owe money to, has become a heinous bitch.  I think she may come around once I have a job and have paid her mostly back, but I don't fucking care for her at all, otherwise.  It's not that I hold grudges - I just refuse to forget how inhuman she has been to me for so long.  I can't wait to write her and my mom and maybe my stepdad letters.  And my brother.  I have given up on most people which sucks.  All because of my family.

I'd like to go to grad school in evolutionary psychology at UCSB and I really need to lay the foundation.