first in a bit

I'm so overwhelmed lately.  I'm still dealing with my herniated disc on a daily basis. I haven't seen my son in over a year in person, and he just turned five. I've completely dropped the ball on him. We video chat three times a week. He's into wobbly life right now. I miss him so much. I miss feeling like I had support from my friends and family, most of which has disappeared. I'm not hopeless, but I feel it sometimes.

I'm going to just continue this post, originally started on the 1st of this month.  So all of that aside, I need to wax poetic about my physical body.  I've never had chronic pain.  I've pulled my calf muscle two separate times, once in each leg, and that lasted for a week before finally subsiding.  I still can't run for distance on it, and I'm determined to change that.  My lungs are fit enough to build up strength in.  I do use a salt nicotine vape pen, but I've been able to bike for miles (I just don't like it).  But the back is driving me insane.  It's everyday since February this year.  I'm about to go to my fifth (? I've canceled at least twice) physical therapy appointment and I just don't see it paying many dividends.  I'm wondering if the issue is something other than just the herniated disc.  It's very disconcerting and I'm already a very doubtful person, and it has created a lot of doubt in my abilities to have my very rambunctious little guy around.  I didn't play disc golf at all last week, and I haven't played through Tuesday today. I think I can work now.  I do think I can do that, but I'm very unsure about much else.  Even work will require adjustment and NSAIDS and blech.  I'm just over it.  I've never experienced something like this and it's driving me nuts.  That's all for now.