Wooooo (ALATWA #20) 31 March 2014

First and foremost, I'm doing training for Washington Pharmacy Law on youtube.  Mom and dad helped me pay for it and now I'm doing it.  It's painful, no doubt.

Here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5vCZIbsocU&list=PLqFATQwUcp8e1GhsDMSfD_VlwIuVsBQlt

Next, I need to catch up on my writing!  I've taken a ton of notes about True Detective, but I've yet to publish last week's paper or this week's paper.

Oh Lost Weekend! (Weekend Review #18) 30 March 2014

Still writing, still growing.  Busy trips to Eugene and back.  Heading back tomorrow.  Ugh.  I'm so tired after yesterday!

A Timeline through 2006 (Saturday Life #20) 29 March 2014

I moved to Eugene in 2005.  I just moved home in 2014.

Key moments in my life in that time.

Started working pharmacy with Vestalee.  Met Loren.  Played a lot of basketball and video games and worked a ton.  Tried to meet new people, ladies, etc.  Played a show in Eugene at the Law Center old building with a few bands.  Played a show in Springfield at the skate park.

Remembering who I am.

Band dissolves amid difficulty practicing.

Met Olivia early February 2006.  Started dating.

May 2006.  Sasquatch.

Start University of Oregon in fall quarter.

Break up with Olivia on October 15th.  First time acknowledging that the end of October gets really cold in the Pacific Northwest.

Shattered, I begin to seek attention from the ladies just about anywhere.

My Friend Jenny (Friday Life #18) 28 March 2014

"Tell me thy company and I'll tell thou what thou art." - Cervantes

Aye, I'm not worthy of some of the incredible people I've come across in my life.  Jenny is one of them.  I first met her when she was a GTF (graduate teaching fellow) for my Nordic Film class.  A crush developed and she agreed to meet up.  We had some really good conversations.  We kissed once.

I've been friends with her a long time now.  2008 I believe.  I need to make a timeline.  In fact, that will be Saturday Life tomorrow.  A timeline of my life.  More on all of this later.

Jenny, you're a great friend.  Love you lots!

More Eugene! And stuff :) (A Look at the Weekend #17) 28 March 2014

Back to Eugene either Friday (if I'm staying at Jenny's and able to go to trivia) or Saturday.  Getting Vestalee to sign off on my training.  Reading, writing, arithmetic.  Good times.

Unleashing the Agony: Film as Text in "True Detective" (Film #18) 25 March 2014

Unleashing the Agony: Film as Text in "True Detective"*

"Song that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,

Must die unheard
In dim Carcosa."
Robert W. Chambers, The King in Yellow

"From the dusty mesa,
a looming shadow grows,
hidden in the branches,
of the poisoned tree of souls."
The Handsome Family, 'Far From Any Road'

So goes the opening credits song to True Detective, a series which is a good deal more visceral than the horror novel of late 19th century origin that this brilliant new show draws much inspiration from.  From Poe to Bierce, on downward through Chambers and then finding it's apotheosis in the godfather of modern horror, H.P. Lovecraft, we have a rich history of literature absorbed through the medium of Gothic fiction found here.   It's odd to open an essay with two quotes, but this show has so much literary depth that you'll  find that it's easy to do so, and two quotes may simply not suffice.  We'll be comparing the first episodes - 1 through 3 specifically - to literature in the coming paragraphs this week.  Once we understand the literature this show draws upon and understand bits of it textually, we will follow with two more vantage points; This show is far from just an audio book.  To analyze it solely as literature is to let down the glorious vision that Nic Pizzolatto set out to point us toward.

Evolution plays heavily in this show.  We will see it from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, of course, but we must also discuss it from the point of view of evolved humans ensconced within a modern framework of culture and politics.  We have great conversations between an atheist and a Christian, which in their simplicity echo through history, containing those ideas that have kept these two camps (rightfully so, I might add) at odds with each other.  We have adultery, murder, serial murder, evolutionary awareness, cynicism, lust, redemption, justice and so many other juicy tidbits that have played a huge role in our evolutionary past, do so in our evolutionary present, and will do so in our evolutionary future.  We will consider altruism and the artist, how religion plays into this, and how it may be the only thing that can save us.  With the middle of the series - episodes 4-5 - covered, still there is more.

Finally, we must level the lens of humanism at this show.  Here we blend everything we know so far to try and understand what can be said and what must be done as a result of insights gained.  The final three episodes arrive in the present, after the first 5 having various flashbacks and only interviews in present day, and it makes sense to use this turning point in the show to consider the present day situations this show touches upon, and there are many.
_____

So what is literature?  More importantly, why do writers write?  Sure, each writer probably has a slightly different story, but perhaps we can draw some rough generalizations.  Evolutionary psychology has argued that much art is done for the sake of gaining status and wealth, which allow us to have, in theory, a better genetic fitness (Dissayanake, Pinker)  Certainly this is true of much writing.  Romance novelists may not have a lot of status as compared to your typical artist or writer, though humorously they may not lose a lot of it either, as they write under pen names much of the time.  They certainly gain wealth.  Stories told in past societies helped us live within the mores of the society, and learn those very ideas, but they probably conferred a high status upon those who memorized them and told them best.  Rather than stick to the byline here, I'd argue that certain writers, in modern societies, and perhaps all of them to a smaller degree, write with an altruistic reason at heart.

Art is one of the few ways to express something I'd call pure altruism.  More on this later, but let's get a tiny bit more perspective on writing.  Maya Angelou has stated, "There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you."  Aye, this suggests that there is a sort of catharsis in storytelling.  Perhaps in modern society, the artist is more sensitive, and thus holds on to pain and love and other emotions longer and more intensely than those who don't feel this need to "express."  Certainly much criticism of art has taken this vantage point.  Is the idealist just projecting their lack of genetic fitness, or is there a real desire to change things there?
"I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live," writes Anais Nin.  "I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me--the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics."  Certainly there's a good deal of selfishness evinced in just these words, but there's a genuine selflessness as well.  There's a destructive capability that isn't explainable in purely selfish terms.  Perhaps these women have a more feminine approach to literature, something which allows their altruism to more easily come to the surface.  Perhaps they've evolved this way, as the caregivers of the young.

Let's discuss a brief outline of the first episodes of the series.

EP1: "The Long Bright Dark"
In episode one of True Detective, we meet the cast.  Marty Hart is a family man, married, two daughters.  A policeman who hasn't been a detective in Louisiana long, Rust Cohle, is his new partner, a seemingly jaded, obviously atheist character, a wild card who we can't really figure out right away.  The series hinges around a bizarre case where a girl is tattooed in the shape of a swirl on her back, molested, stabbed, and tied naked to a tree.  It's not for the faint of heart.  Strangely, a crown of deer horns is placed on her head, and hanging from the tree and around other areas of the scene are wooden sculptures, initially indecipherable, but clearly a part of the scene and intentionally.  Rust takes immediate interest, scribbling notes in his journal pad which earn him the nickname, "The Taxman" amongst his coworkers.  Marty does as well, and we're not really sure if it's a magnetic attraction to Rust or an interest in the bizarre, but it's probably a bit of both.  The die is cast.

An awkward dinner invite and an even more awkward acceptance and attendance ensues.  We first learn of Rustin's background here, a bit, as most men, according to Marty, don't talk about their personal lives at work.  Funny enough, it's him who first brings up personal things, after witnessing the horrific crime scene.  "Ask you something.  You're Christian, yeah?"  Pause.  "No."  What ensues is the most gleefully uncomfortable discussion between the two.  Rustin is clearly an atheist and he has a lot to say about it.  Marty is freaked out by the crime, and now being paired with a heathen.  Back to working the case, we learn more sordid things about Rust and we get new evidence and eerie elements as the two detectives seem to have stumbled onto a serial murderer.

Most importantly, and I've left it til last because it add another entire dimension to the proceedings, we are told the story by the two detectives 17 years after the case, by way of flashback.  Why the interviews?  What has happened?  Well apparently there is another murder, we learn that supposedly the killer was caught in 95 and the new detectives interviewing Cohle and Hart want to know why it's still happening.  "How indeed detectives?" Asks Cohle.  He knows something.

EP2: "Seeing Things"
In episode 2, following up on the case, the victim found first (Dora Kelly Lange) is where they start.  Her mother reveals she was religious.  Backwards, Southern Baptist deep south swamp religious, to be sure.  It's fitting to mention, considering my own struggles, that she says the Ave Maria to mitigate her migraines.  More friend interviews, more details of Hart's life told to the detectives.  More interesting car rides with incredible dialogue.  They found out where Dora was staying, a trailer park whorehouse and find people to question there.  She left behind a bag with a diary.  "The king's children were marked.  They became his angels."  A scribbled, hasty view of her diary shows in bold, "The Yellow King." Here we get a first mention of "Carcosa," and a most literate back story.  They talk about the killer perhaps drugging his victims, slowly upping the dose to drive them crazy and draw them deeper into a fantasy he's creating.  Cohle tells the detectives some of his own insane history and we see some of the visual hallucinations .  He quotes Corinthians obliquely to explain his desire to work homicide.  We get an interview with Dora's ex, belying more religious aspirations and weirdness.  "The King in Yellow" was one thing she talked about with him.  He thought she was crazy.

Marty and his wife visit her parents.  There is some strange conversation here, and we see more and more development of these characters.  "You know, throughout time, every old man has probably said the same thing.  Old men die, and the world keeps spinning."  Marty says to the same thing, after a conservative rant about the state of the world today. We just know that all is not right.  Episode 2 also introduces Marty as an adulterer.  It's a common thing, so why does it matter so much in so many fictions?  Well, at least in this series, it provides a glimpse into Marty's mind and reality.  A cousin of the Senator Tuttle stops by the precinct to talk about a task force they're creating to investigate "anti-Christian" crime.  Rust can't believe it and voices his frustrations about it.  It creates tension between everyone in the station. "It's a political circle-jerk," he tells the chief, laughing.  Nobody else (except the enlightened viewer) finds the humor in this.  Rust scolds his coworker for hitting the bars instead of witnesses and there's a clear rift between him and his more casual fellow police.  This is life or death for Rust, a drive to do what is right and to pull the blinders off the windows, and let the sunlight spill in.  He's doing it as much for himself as for those he's trying to help.  "Our bosses don't want you at all."  There's a bigger thing at work here.  Marty seems to plead to do the case as much for his respect of Rust as his desire to do this.  But he's not beholden to any interests other than his own, so at least he can be trusted.

In the present day again, we hear that there was a "throwdown" in the jungle back then.  Something with Rust and Marty and taking place in the jungle.  Foreshadowing.  Taking a drive out to a place advertised in a flyer in Dora's bag, we find a burned out old church in the middle of nowhere.  The birds form the symbol drawn on the back of Dora as they take off in the distance.  Mildewed swamp, the church opens to rafters with wholes and jagged lines.  It's quite beautiful really.  Rust pulls aside some hanging swamp vines to a drawing of a woman with antlers on her head.  They were here.

EP3: "The Locked Room"
And now we arrive at episode 3.  Heading to a tent revival of "Friends of Christ," the detectives interview the pastor and a mentally troubled "suspect," and we don't get much out of it.  More sparkling dialogue.  Rust is down on religion and has a pessimistic view of common good.  We learn about Tuttle as a pastor starting a school outreach program for small communities and that Friends of Christ was part of the church end of it.

Marty thinks that Rust has myopia: "Tunnel vision.  [Your] Vision skews, twists evidence.  You're obsessive" Rust turns it back on Marty and Marty denies it.  Rust ends it with a brilliant summary, though in his usually combative way: "People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time."  Home life is fractured for Marty, and it comes to a bit of a head when Marty arrives home and Rust has used the mower he borrowed from Marty to mow Marty's lawn.  He's frustrated and tells Rust never to do it again, a clear sign of his insecurity about the state of his family life.  He's not acting like he should.  Further evidence is it's playing out in his youngdaughter's overly sexualized drawings.  Rust shows us his great skills in the discussion room with suspects.  "You just look them in the eyes.  The whole story's up there... You gotta be honest about what can go on up here," tapping his temple with a knife he's carving beer can people dolls with,"a locked room..."  We'll talk more about the locked room when we discuss the evolutionary aspects of this series.  Suffice it to say, the literary aspects continue to darken.

An insomniac who'd later asked for barbituates from a hooker he thought could help him with the case, Rust decides to do a ton of after hours work on old cases he thinks may be related.  More great dialogue about life and death.  He goes on a double date with Marty and his wife, Maggie.  He still won't drink beer, but he does dance.  Marty runs into his current affair, who is out on a date with another man.  Marty finds out she's over him and he can't handle it.  He gets a couple of drinks and keeps going.  He shows up at her house later and breaks down doors and fights with the guy who he's been replaced with.  We get a good conversation between Maggie and Rust, who have a strange friendship/acquaintance throughout the series.  Getting back to work, Marty is met by Rust who has found "another one."  On their way to look into it they have another great conversation.  The victim's dad tells the detectives about the Ledoux family and her daughter dating one of them, Reggie Ledoux.  She had gone to "Light of Way", a charter school that the Tuttle's Wellspring ministries had started.  Her dad had kept a box of her stuff and reminded Marty of Rust, keeping "his eyes on the crabtraps."  They arrive at the school but Rust doesn't go in because he's called back to the car by Marty.  Marty found out something on his CB.  Ledoux info has come back so they're off on another chase. He spoke to the lawnmower at the school before he went back to the car.  It's too bad he didn't ask more questions.

Back to present day. "And now they saw how easy it was to just let go.. and in that last instant an unmistakable relief, see, because they were afraid and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just let go, and they saw-- in that last nanosecond, they saw what they were, that you, yourself, this whole big drama, it was never anything but a jerry-rig of presumption and dumb will and you could just let go.  Finally now that you didn't have to hold on so tight, to realize that all your life-- you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memory, all your pain, it was all the same thing.  It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.  And like a lot of dreams, there's a monster at the end of it."

This series has more monsters than just Reggie Ledoux, but let's stop and consider for a moment these concepts of a "monster" and where and how they tie in with this series.  Though germinated in 1764 by Horace Walpole, the horror story worked its way down to Poe, eventually, who was a huge influence on Ambrose Bierce.  "Can Such Things Be?" is a collection of short stories by Bierce in which he mentions Carcosa in one of his short stories, "An Inhabitant of Carcosa." (1886)  9 years later, Robert W. Chambers published "The King in Yellow," the first four stories of which involve Carcosa, borrowing also from another of Bierce's short stories to add to the lore of Carcosa.  This netherworld out of place and time became a huge inspiration for H.P. Lovecraft and a direct inspiration for his Cthulu stories.

Bierce himself, good ole Bitter Bierce, was an atheist of the highest regard.  In an introduction to "The Collected Writings of Ambrose Bierce," Fadiman expounds upon how important Bierce is to the negative worldviews of today, how perfect he heralds the coming of the Nuclear age.  "Indeed, the whole conduct of civilized man since Bierce's presumed death in 1914 is happily calculated to confirm his misanthropy.  Lidice, Belsen, Dachau, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Bikini - all would have afforded him a satisfaction deeper and more bitter than that which he drew from the relatively paltry horrors of the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries."

Marty: "What do you got the cross for in your apartment?"  Coehle speaks of his atheism. "It's a form of meditation." "How's that?"  "I contemplate the moment in the garden, the idea of allowing your own crucifixion." "But you're not a Christian.  So what do you believe?"  After a bit of sparring, we arrive at the crux.  "I think human consciousness was a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware.  Nature created an aspect of of nature separate from itself.  We are creatures that should not exist by natural law... we are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, this accretion of sensory experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when, in fact, everybody's nobody."  Zen buddhism meets evolutionary psychology.

It's fitting that this writer would have to pen a horror story then.  So what of it?  "An Inhabitant of Carcosa," speaks of more atmospheric and morbid fantasy, really.  It doesn't strike one as horrific, at least in light of the shock-cinema and torture porn of today.  It tells the story of a man in a place he feels he knows but it is clearly alien to him.  He eventually comes to find he is dead, by stumbling across his own gravestone, from ages past.  Bierce is certainly part of the pemmican that is Rustin Cohle, bitterly cynical to their core.

Chambers adapts this tale's world, and a name from one other Bierce short story to create "The King in Yellow."  Only the first four stories deal with Carcosa, but they're decidedly more creepy.  They deal with a book, appropriately named "The King In Yellow," which figures in each of the four stories and involve the reading of the book which turns them crazy or happens around cataclysmic events of the characters' lives.  There's some atmospheric horror, couched in solid storytelling which lends credence to the depth of terrible things that happen.  Some think they're the King, or they're helping the King, or the King brings death for them or a loved one, or for the entire cosmos.

We see filmic echoes of Southern Gothic from as far back as 1941's under-appreciated Swamp Water, the opening scene of which had a zoom-out from a cross with a skull on top of it.  Jean Renoir confirms his status here of a top-flight auteur.  The language is similar as well, but of course the 70+ years of fine-tuning has added quite a polish to the genre.  They talk about killing cats and torturing them in True Detective, and in Swamp Water, the townspeople gather up kittens to put them in a bag and throw them in the swamp.  Cats aren't welcome in the South on film, and the homicidal triangle often finds one or two sides very easily.  A killer with a soft spot hides in the swamp, and overwhelms a young man looking for his lost dog.  We get an interesting picture of the south here.

Many people were satisfied, nay, ecstatic at Phil Ridley's "The Reflecting Skin," but it didn't feel quite right when I saw it a few years back.  Certainly, after "True Detective," the film genre of Southern Gothic has gotten a new rail spike and everything seems paltry in comparison  The depth and breadth of literature is mind boggling and it opens the series to a large amount of interpretations.  I'm looking forward to peeling back the skin a bit to find new growth beneath it, no matter how painful or agonizing it can be.
   
*This is Part 1 of a Series of Articles about Pizzolatto and Fukunaga's True Detective.

References
Film
-Castle of Otranto, 1977, Svankmajer, viewable here
-The Reflecting Skin, 1990, Ridley
-Swamp Water, 1941, Renoir
-True Detective, Episodes 1-8, 2014, Fukunaga.

Literature/Websites
-Ambrose Bierce, at Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambrose_Bierce
-Ave Maria, at Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_Mary
-Bierce, Ambrose. 1910.  Can Such Things Be?
-"The Castle of Otranto," at Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_of_Otranto
-Chambers, Robert W. 1895.  The King in Yellow.
-de Waal, Franz. 2005.  Our Inner Ape.
-Dissanayake, Ellen. 1988.  What is Art For?
-Edgar Allan Poe, at Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Allan_Poe
-The Handsome Family, at Rateyourmusic, https://rateyourmusic.com/artist/the_handsome_family
-Horror Fiction, at Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horror_fiction
-H.P. Lovecraft, at Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._P._Lovecraft
-Jean Renoir, at Imdb, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0719756/?ref_=tt_ov_dr
-Macdonald Triad (Homicidal Triad),  at Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicidal_triad
-Pinker, Steven. 2009.  How the Mind Works
-Nic Pizzolatto, at Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nic_Pizzolatto
-Robert W. Chambers, at Wikipedia, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0726000/?ref_=tt_ov_dr

Music
-"Far From Any Road," 2003, from the album "Singing Bones" by The Handsome Family

The Last Films I've Seen
1. Devil in a Blue Dress, 1995, Franklin, 7.2/10.
Murder, pedophilia, racism in the 40s.  Contrast with Polanski's Chinatown and you get a great picture of post-depression era Los Angeles.
2. The Singing Brakeman, 1929, Smith, 9.0/10.
Actual footage of Jimmie Rodgers doing his thing.  Pretty cool.

Television
1. "The Long Bright Dark," True Detective, Pilot, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
2. "Seeing Things," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 2, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
3. "The Locked Room," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 2, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
See review above and last week's film section.

"Unmasking Telios De Lorca"
http://www.cyndigreening.com/true-detective/in-search-of-telios-de-lorca/

Here We Go Again (ALATWA #19) 24 March 2014

Busy again.  Working for dad, looking for a job, writing.  That's about all I do :)  But I do need to see if I can find time to do more.  There's a limit on how many days I can work for my dad, so I've gotta bust my ass and hope to lengthen that limit.

What a weekend! (Weekend Review #17) 23 March 2014

Picked up stuff at my storage unit, found some amazing books at St Vinny's, hung out with my mom a lot, and had a great dinner with some cousins that I don't get to see often.  Well done Davis.

Family Dinner! (Saturday Life #19) 22 March 2014

Well, it was family dinner time and it was a lot of fun.  We had cousins Leigh Ann, Mike, and their spouses Linda and Pat.  It was good times.  We had Applebee's and I didn't expect it to be so good, but it was :)

Good conversation, good times.

Divey Motels (Friday Life #17) 21 March 2014

My mom hates this place we're staying in tonight.  Timbers Motel in downtown Eugene.  It's definitely kinda sketch.  It reminds me of the time I had to stay with my cat overnight in a motel, trying to figure out where I'd be living next.  Good times.  I've been kicked, driven, evicted, and grossed out of quite a few places in Eugene and I've gotta be careful not to let that happen in Longview at my mom's.

Busy Weekend Ahead (A Look at the Weekend #16) 20 March 2013

Heading to Eugene tomorrow!  Crazy stuff.  Gonna pack up most (or all) of my storage unit and take it home.  Family dinner Saturday.  Back to the grind Sunday.  Should be heading back to Lincoln City soon as well to pick up my dad's new '57 Chevy.

This is Jimmie Rodgers, Side 1 (Music #18) 19 March 2014

Today I'm going to write about an album that changed my life:
Jimmie Rodgers' "This is Jimmie Rodgers."

Every song on side 1 is interesting here.  It recalls to me the time that the big belt-buckle wearing cowboy was looking at country music records in House of Records in Eugene and saw me approach.  "You like country?" he asked.  "Johnny Cash, Jimmie Rodgers, Marty Robbins.. Mostly old stuff."  He smiled.  "You know Jimmie Rodgers?"  "I do."  He kept looking, talking.. I was wandering back and forth between sections, going between black and death metal, bizarre pop, and old country, trying to figure out where to get the best bang in used records for my $10.  Not quite enough for Nick Drake's Pink Moon, not enough for any used Ornette Coleman or Miles Davis, nothing in the world of metal (albeit a small one that HoR kept).  Back and forth, forever.  No Animal Collective that I didn't have, no M83, no Rush, no Jethro Tull that I didn't have.. Looking back, I'm proud of my weird taste.

"You got this one?"  He pulled out Never No Mo' Blues from the stacks and my jaw dropped.  I'd been searching for some Jimmie Rodgers on vinyl for quite some time.  He could tell I didn't.  He laughed.  I wish I could remember his name.  "It's yours."  I said "Thanks."  He said, "come on" and I followed him to the register.  He bought it for me!  I shook his hand and he skidaddled.  I don't believe in angels, but seriously, that was pretty amazing.

I left the store in a daze.  I did buy something with my $10 but I seriously don't remember what it was.  I will never recall either.  That was the single coolest experience I've ever had in a music store, and I've spent many hours in them.  I've seen bands play, I've gotten autographs, I've found the craziest deals you could ever imagine.  I've dug through crates and found gems, I've met some of the neatest people that work in and shop in record stores, but how many of us can say that a complete and total stranger bought them a Jimmie Rodgers record.

I'm not sure if you could pinpoint the exactly moment that country music started sucking, but I often wonder just that.  I don't really know what to say about this, except that is very stripped down music by a guy who slips into falsetto and back in a slightly ragged way.  Simple guitar lines that meander in and out of time, with strange measures that don't add up.  It's beautiful.  That's all.  More next time.

"Mule Skinner Blues" on Youtube.

References
-Never No Mo' Blues, 1955, Jimmie Rodgers
-Pink Moon, 1972, Nick Drake

Stuck in the Basement (Film #17) 18 March 2014

Stuck in the Basement: An Evolutionary Reading of (Some Films by) Roman Polanski

To say that Roman Polanski is a controversial figure is not enough.  It's admitted that he had sex with a minor (most likely consensual - if a 13 year old can legally consent to something like that).  He never served any time for it.  His wife was murdered by one of the most notorious killers or those around him of all time.  Perhaps THE most known.  He's made some incredible films.  Chinatown, The Pianist, Rosemary's Baby, Knife in the Water, Carnage and Ghost Writer (that this writer has seen).  He's also made a couple of  forgettable, thought admittedly entertaining ones in The Ninth Gate and Frantic.  Bitter Moon stands between these two extremes.  It seems that a film dealing openly with sex and sexuality should pique one's mind who attempts to level the lens of evolutionary psychology at it.  As you will see, this isn't actually the case.

To admit that men are obviously attracted to young women is not enough either.  That being said, Polanski's film which deals most explicitly with sex is a mishmash of ideas and characters that shed no more light on who we really are as a group, and seems strangely ill-equipped to open the debate on niche sexual behavior as well.  Neither his case, the documentary about it, or this film shed much light on human sexual behavior, but perhaps we can glean what radiance is available and point to better examples.

Polanski's attraction to younger women shouldn't shock any of us.  His acting on it is, on the other hand, definitely disturbing.  Bitter Moon deals with a couple that act on anything they feel and a British couple that act on relatively little that they feel, presumably, until the film begins.  Polanski allows for little middle ground.  Why can't we talk about what we feel before and - at times - in place of, acting on it.  Oscar's (Peter Coyote) discussion of his current relationship's past is one way for Nigel (Hugh Grant) to live vicariously, but that isn't always enough.  Here, we see repression of feelings as something that can severely damage ourselves and those around us.

According to people who care about stardom, Polanski didn't care much about his star in Hugh Grant (I'd venture that Peter Coyote was a bit more interesting to him).  What a bizarre film!  A second viewing was necessary to piece together the ideas and guttural reactions.  Oscar needs to tell his story to someone, as perhaps his writing has never been successful enough to find the larger audience that many artists need to reach.  Polanski is jabbing at the sad state of American sexual behavior here.  Even when we find exactly what we want, in a young, beautiful, open-minded woman, we must prod more and more.  Polanski is saying we're fools to go as far as Oscar, and yet Polanski himself has been sensationalized in the press, and his sexual life too is not enough.  The bloody ending hints at a possible future for himself and his wife?

Sadly, the documentary about Polanski's action and its resulting consequences could have been taken from a more historical perspective; we can't yet hope for all documentaries to include an evolutionary approach.  Do those with power, fame, etc often find ways of avoiding punishment after statutory rape?  It's easy to see that they have access to this act more readily, but who is to say about the punishment avoidance?  If we feel the power dynamic and see it objectively in our own society, it seems to be a fairly obvious conclusion.  This most certainly makes none of his actions around this particular case alright.  Here, we probably have a lot of "similarity" in mate selection a relatively low concern for the pursuer; Polanski is "smart" enough to feel slight tug from many social mores.

The film explores faux-bestiality, urolagnia, other salirophilia, and other less bizarre sexual fetishes; Polanski himself explored others.  Men and women seek dominance over one another and other things.  They experience pleasure in "conquering" their EEAs.  The key here is melding this with a socially aware sense of fairness.  If what we're doing harms no one else, and they consent to it, there should be no reason why any sane human could oppose it.  Of course, at what point are we able to consent?  How old must we be to say "yes" or "no"?  These are questions that evolutionary psychology and a study of evolution can't answer; indeed they may point at best to a different time and a different stage of what we are now.  The answers can't be the same in both places until we've dissected the differences.

What Roman Polanski did to the 13 year old girl will always be wrong to this writer.  They will always mar his oeuvre.  Here, we can look back at a different time and stage and proffer an answer.  Ultimately, we have the choice and free will of consciousness.  We can choose to attempt to have sex with minors.  We can murder.  We can do any number of other things that were necessities in the past, thousands of years ago before we set up a scaffolding to build ourselves to more enlightened vantage points.  We can also say no, flip on the light switch, and slog our Sisyphean way out of the basement.

References
Film
Bitter Moon, 1992, Polanski
Carnage, 2011, Polanski
Chinatown, 1974, Polanski
Frantic, 1988, Polanski
Ghost Writer, 2010, Polanski
Knife in the Water, 1962, Polanski
The Ninth Gate, 1999, Polanski
The Pianist, 2002, Polanski
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, 2008, Zenovich
Rosemary's Baby, 1968, Polanski

Literature/Websites
-Hugh Grant Interview, http://www.eclectica.org/v1n7/rigoulot_grant.html
-Roman Polanski, IMDB, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000591/?ref_=nv_sr_3
-Roman Polanski, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Polanski
-Roman Polanski Sexual Abuse Case, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Polanski_sexual_abuse_case
-Statutory Rape, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape
-Tate Murders, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Manson#Tate_murders
-The Mating Game Isn't Over: A Reply to Buller's Critique of The Evolutionary Psychology of Mating, Various, http://www.cep.ucsb.edu/papers/DeltonRobertsonKenrick2006BullerReply.pdf



The Last Films I've Seen
1. The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo, 2011, Fincher, 9.3/10.
A brilliant film that uses a serial killer premise to explore the dark heart of modern existence.  Wikileaks, adultery, a serial killer, harsh climate, brilliant cinematography, and more.
2. Bitter Moon, 1992, Polanski, 7.4/10.
See above.
3. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired, 2008, Zenovich, 5.5/10.

Television
1. "Seeing Things," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 2, 2014, Fukunaga, 9.3/10.
More searching, more character-building.  One of the detectives is an adultering religious man, the other an atheist whose daugher's death created a vacant soul.
2. "The Locked Room," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 3, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
"If the only thing keeping people decent is divine judgement, than that person is a piece of shit." -Rust.  I mean.. the cynicism is delectable here.  Photography is sublime in this series.  The aerial shots of backwater rundowns are phenomenal, reminding me of the Smithsonian aerial photography series, Aerial America (each episode I've seen of this, I think just Louisiana and Washington so far has been breathtaking).  "Like many dreams, there's a monster at the end."  Yes, yes there is..  The next episode is set up here to be incredible.
3. "Who Goes There," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 4, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
9.8/10 on IMDB with nearly 6000 votes.  Wow.  The episode doesn't disappoint.  The filming here is so damned brilliant.
4. "The Secret Fate of All Life," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 5, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
5. "Haunted Houses," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 6, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0
6. "After You're Gone," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 7, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
7. "Form And Void," True Detective, Season 1, Episode 8, 2014, Fukunaga, 10.0.
See next week. :)
8. "The Hide Cutters," Gunsmoke, Season 14, Episode 2, McEveety, 6.8/10.
Another solid Gunsmoke episode where the desire to do right works its way out of a disheveled young man.

Unfinished Business (ALATWA #18) 17 March 2014

I've arrived at the library and I'd like to start my paper on True Detective, so I read An Inhabitant of Sarcosa (Bierce).  Eerie.  The series is incredibly good.

We planted a bunch of stuff at dad's today and will continue tomorrow.  Apparently Emergency Unemployment Insurance is back on the table so I'll be keeping tabs on that.

March Madness begins this week so that will be great.  Excited to watch Oregon against BYU.  Not sure if my dad is signing up for a bracket so will be calling him this evening to check in.

Headed to Eugene this weekend to pack up my storage unit.  I need to call them and check in as well.

There's plenty more going on as well, but I'm too excited to worry about it as I prepare papers on Roman Polanski's Bitter Moon and True Detective.  Ciao!

True Detective (Weekend Review #16) 16 March 2014

We went to the vendor mall in St. Helens on Friday and I got my license reinstated.  My mom lost her clutch and keys and we spent the last hour searching for it.  A couple of really nice people (including the owners) helped us search for it.  One of the co-owners found it.  She was really sweet.

I found a couple of amazing dvds.  30th Anniversary Edition of Roots and the Criterion edition of Magnificent Obession both @ $5, and then my mom snagged a dual edition of The Red Balloon/White Mane for $3.  Craziness.

I watched a lot of film and played a lot of MTG on my mom's old laptop.

Fretting About Music, Part 1 (Saturday Life #18) 15 March 2014

Though there are recordings on me playing a string or two on guitar whilst hanging out with my brother and my dad while quite young, I didn't really start playing guitar seriously until I was nearly 17.

David Adams was my first teacher, followed by guitar lessons from Luke something-or-other.  I took those for about 6 months.  I started taking music theory and that certainly augmented my learning.

It was weird realizing how much I'd been missing.  The band Tool (musically, but especially lyrically and conceptually) unlocked a series of doors.

To this day, when I consider a day well lived (a post I'm shaping up, an idea, for that matter, that I am shaping up), I find practicing the guitar an integral part.

Dave and I played together a lot at first.  He had a ton of songs he'd written out, lyrically and musically.  It showed me a world into being in a band.  We practiced a few times.  I met future close friend Shane at one of the practices.  I really wanted to play with my supremely talented Jason Baldwin, a friend of mine whose ability has been proven time after time in the animation industry.

I played with him, Harlan (a guitar player who lived down the street), and a drummer I can't remember?  I was playing bass at the time.  Then I started playing with Justin Ankenman, his friend Justin, drummer Matt Arnits, and guitarist Aaron Andersen.  It was a bit of a powerhouse, with me on bass.  We had fun.

The Bentons (Friday #16) 14 March 2014

It was wild riding along with my brother yesterday, checking out potential homes to get at a low price and flip them.  We were down in the highlands as they call them, and we had some interesting epleriences.  But what struck me the most was being in our old stomping grounds on 19th avenue, driving past the Denman's, the Benton's, the Mistics, the Yanez's, the Pithan's, and having all those memories come flooding back.

I remember hours of kick-the-can, throwing water balloons at the bus, and putting sticks in a pile of leaves so it would sound like people running them over (they were unavoidable, in the middle of the street).  Most of all, I remember playing tons of Final Fantasy 2 with Jake Benton, my best friend at the time.  His brother has since passed, which was unexpected.  My brother tried to say something at his funeral but couldn't stop crying.  :/

Then there was Cory Franklin, whose dad passed.  We played magic quite a bit.  He lived on 20th.

20th Ave Market.  I remember walking there with my best friend in 6th grade, Josh Laurila.  Man, we had a lot of fun.  We played G.I. Joe, we drew a lot, we even did Amtgard a bit.  I loved the guy like a brother, but I was a bad brother then.  I remember asking him who he liked in 7th grade and distinctly telling him I wasn't sure who I liked, even though it was the same person!  I was such an ass.  I deeply regret that, among the worst things I've ever done in my life. 

Stuff to do! (A Look at the Weekend #15) 13 March 2014

Pac 12 men's basketball tournament continues tonight, and the Ducks won their first game.  Too bad the Huskies lost their first.  I need to find a park that has a basketball hoop.  I want to watch some NBA as well.  12 Years a Slave is on my radar, but I'm not sure I have enough money right now and I'm not even sure if it's still playing.

Continue to drop off applications and check on my SR22 through Progressive.  Read, write, go to the library and use their computer to write and such.  It should be good times.

Robert Johnson Sells His Soul To The Devil (Music #17) 12 March 2014

Today I'm going to write about an album that changed my life:
Robert Johnson's "King of the Delta Blues Singers."

"It was only after blues had largely disappeared from the black charts and had been revived as a nostalgic adjunct to the white folk and rock scenes that he became famed as the the most influential bluesman of all time." Wald

"Music is an essential Component of literally all social activities, and it does not require a great stretch of the imagination to believe that the same must have been true of our hominid ancestors." Wilson, Quoting Steven Brown

"Scholars love to praise the 'pure' blues artists or the ones, like Robert Johnson, who died young and represent tragedy.  It angers me how scholars associate the blues strictly with tragedy." BB King, From Wald

Eerie, haunting, considered by some as THE blues album, this artist was apparently thought of as sullen and moody in his day.  I have mixed feelings about what is thought about this album, but as an album, for me, it is sheer brilliance.  Admittedly, blues isn't my genre of choice, and I've never seen a blues band (per se) live before.  I've never really sought out the experience or thought it would be something I had to do.  To me, blues music is an exercise in repetition and offers not nearly enough commentary or interest to bring me to it intellectually.  I guess that's my path to music and I have to feel it in that way to feel it in any way.

This style of blues, this one man/one guitar thing is quite narcissistic in ways, and that is what I think of first, from a philosophical standpoint.  This is the history of blues, this one man telling the woes of his life.  It's ("King") not music you can dance to (aside from a bit of the music here and there), or really hum along to for that matter.  Despite the importance of the previous two steps (pitch blending and isometric rhythms are the keys for the musilanguage model proposed by Brown), this Delta Blues singer style is so forlorn, so idiosyncratic, and so solitary, it can't help but turn the ear.  The tragedy of being alone, of outlying, being ostracized by force (slavery, American culture) or choice, or ego, or true independence.  How to discern the difference?

Robert Johnson is the ultimate outlaw, a musician that no first-world white person can deny.  He never made money in his lifetime, he was an outsider among a highly disenfranchised minority, and he came to define a music style that laid the foundation for many CEOs to line their wallets.  What more could you want?  Well, the music itself crushes through 7+ decades of historical chutzpah and still speaks to me.  What does it say to you?


References
Music
-King of the Delta Blues Singers, 1961, Robert Johnson.

Books/Websites
-Escaping the Delta: Robert Johnson and the Invention of the Blues. Wald. 2004
-Evolution for Everyone: How Darwin's Theory Can Change the Way We Think About Our Lives. Wilson. 2007.
-Keeping Together in Time: Dance and Drill in Human History. McNeill. 1995.
-Music And Dance As a Coalition Signaling System, Hagen and Bryant, 2002.
-Theories of Music Origin, Brown

Running in Place With a Bum Leg (Film #16) 11 March 2014

Running in Place With a Bum Leg:  Evolution, Warfare, and The Small Back Room
"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place." 
Lewis Carroll

After World War II was over with, we could finally tell the truth about it with our arts.  At the same time that Italian Neorealism was telling the story of the poor masses and their day to day lives, certain films around the the world cast backwards light into the depths of our societies, and especially our societies at war.  Films like Late Spring told the story at home as well as any thus far in the history of film, while one of art cinema's most beloved films, The Third Man, wove a mystery that contains to fascinate.  The widening gyre of what was acceptable as a film continued to elongate, ready to burst at the thin-stretched edges.  Enter The Small Back Room.

History is a tale of battles.  Most of the battles aren't documented as they occurred at a tribal level long before there were any forms of documentation.  Recently, our populations have exploded and we've gone to war in huge groups known as nations.  World War II is by far the most large scale of these wars.  In hindsight, it's difficult to understand how a nation was spellbound by a psychopathic leader, but I'd simplistically argue that 1. The treaty of Versailles at the end of the first World War.  The very concept of history being a battleground of ideas in which the winner of the battle has their history written most loudly seems to be an easy way to summarize history.

Our protagonist, Sammy Rice, has no interest in winners and losers, in beating his chest in dominant ways, or any of the other bizarre testosterone rituals of warfare.  He simply wants to save lives.  He has a bum leg from what seems to be a past military incursion, and he understands the toll of warfare, both physically and especially - as we will come to see - psychologically.  We have a man here who is sensitive and talented, and not content to live in the way many males do.  We also have a man who is struggling with his vices.  Perhaps there is a correlation between these two?

The lush black and white photography, rich characterization, and at times avant-garde use of storytelling draws you into the struggle that Sammy faces day-to-day.  His bitterness toward authority and war create part of the draw toward alcoholism.  Indeed, when our emotions aren't adaptive (as Sammy's are too rich, too vibrant, too complex to be of use in a wartime situation), and he can't buy into simply talking to a controlling wife on telephone day-after-day or focusing on the numbers of war operations, including body counts and slight gains, as his coworkers do, he is forced into dulling his reactions toward this.  Emotions were designed to spark our actions toward certain benefits, and there can be no benefit gained from collapsing in an injured, defeated, bitter, and caustic heap, as Sammy's are wont to do.

The climax is likewise intense, and provides an ample history that follows in films like Paradise Now and The Hurt Locker.  Mentioning these further reminds me of Dil Se.. and Divine Intervention and the relationship between bombs and human love.  The red queen hypothesis is in full affect.

What evolutionary lessons are to be learned here?  The most obvious is that war is huge in our history and will probably - most unfortunately - continue to be so.  Next, we evolved to satisfy our pleasure centers and we've become way too good at it for our own benefit.  We must try to maintain the Greek ideal, the even keel.  Finally, peace, love, and understanding are goals worth seeking out.  We learn lessons too late, and we must deal with damage that makes our learning not only harder to apply but that stands as a constant reminder of our past failings.  This is humanity.


References
Film
Dil Se..., 1998, Ratnam
Divine Intervention, 2005, Suleiman
Late Spring, 1949, Ozu
Paradise Now, 2005, Abu-Assad
The Hurt Locker, 2008, Bigelow
The Small Back Room, 1949, Powell & Pressburger
The Third Man, 1949, Welles

Literature/Websites
-An Evolutionary Perspective On Substance Abuse, Nesse, http://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/31367/0000279.pdf?sequence=1
-Discussion, on Snopes.com, of "history is written by the winners," http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=101;t=000374;p=0
-List of Wars by Death Toll, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wars_by_death_toll
-The Red Queen hypothesis, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Queen_hypothesis
-The Treaty of Versailles, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Treaty_of_Versailles

Again, my film and television viewing has been pretty solid and consistent these last few weeks.  I hope that a schedule will solidify that even better.  I'd like to read about film a lot more so that I can integrate evolution, film, and social concern in my trifold approach.

Another issue I'm having is no real computer usage at a solid time, as I'm looking for a job, living in a slightly inhospitable place, and trying to write.  It's not ideal.  That being said, I do have resources open to me that I'm not taking advantage of, and I'm not working hard enough to schedule my writing along with other important things in my life.  So.. I"m going to work harder :)

The Last Films I've Seen
1. Rio das Mortes, 1971, Fassbinder, 5.4/10.
Art, or something.  More something.  Two fine young spousal-abusing gents decide they will travel to Peru. One sells his car, they borrow money and seem set to leave, then the movie ends.  Bizarre stuff.
2. The Ninth Gate, 1999, Polanski, 5.4/10.
Despite the low score I've given this, and the mess it was as a movie (I feel I'll never read an Arturo Pérez-Reverte novel), it was still entertaining and worth watching.  Johnny Depp and the "dark" undertones of the film had me smiling at times, and the movie never dragged.  I do find books (and the movies that they're transformed into) that deal with the occult quite interesting, as I'm a sucker for conspiracy theories and the like.  I don't believe any of it really, but I do like to learn about them.  Johnny Depp must feel similarly, as we can see in From Hell.
3. Frantic, 1988, Polanski, 6.0/10.
A well-acted film that included a bit of silly pseudo-romance.  I see ties to a film like Knife in the Water here, as the main character has love diverted and we travel the weird side paths of attraction.  Coming from Polanski, however, this sort of worries me (not unlike a re-viewing of Woody Allen movies will, after the most recent allegations).  Capable storytelling here, and a somewhat interesting.
4. My Darling Clementine, 1946, Ford, 7.0/10.
The grittiest and most pared down (almost documentary-like) telling of the Earp family that I've ever seen.  Wyatt Earp and Tombstone take a back seat to this.  It contains little ornamentation or romance, and it's quite good.
5. Knife in the Water, 1962, Polanski, 7.4/10.
Aside from Rosemary's Baby, this may be my favorite Polanski film.  Ok, The Pianist and Chinatown are probably my favorites, but as far as consistently watchable, those first two films may be at a higher point.  It's a breezy film, contains that poor editing of master directors' earlier films that endears them to me, and it has moments of emotion-inducing conflict that make it a top tier film.  A couple pick up a hitchhiker and the type-A male (though in the film he proves himself to be a well-written, more complex version of this) decides to invite him along on their sailing day-trip.  You get an interesting first person sailing trip, and the company of this somewhat normal couple, and the very strange hitchhiking student/vagabond.  There's class warfare, sexual games, and many evolutionary struggles that find themselves at play here.
6. Mamma Roma, 1962, Pasolini, 7.5/10.
Only the second Pasolini film I've seen, it rates as much more watchable than the masochistic Salo.  That should come as no surprise.  But Pasolini was known as an enfant terrible, so this film certainly has an edge.  It's got a lot of Italian Neorealism in it, a lot of slice of life filming that was great.  Prostitution and broken homes line this film and it's intense.
7. The Small Back Room, 1949, Powell & Pressburger, 8.4/10.
See Above.

Television
1. "The Long Bright Dark," True Detective, Pilot, Fukunaga, 10.0.
Yeah, this is the next one, the next show to impress me. I've still just seen the pilot and the season finale just happened (Sunday). Will there be a second season? Not sure, but the dialogue in this, the acting, the southern gothic ambience (if you will, and you better!) is all just spot on. Compare this with the silly and stupid (IMO), The Reflecting Skin, and there is simply no contest. That film frustrated the hell out of me and was simply ridiculous. I even got in an argument on imdb about it. Can't wait to see more of this lushly perverse series!
2. "Forty Detectives Later," Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Season 5, Episode 28, Hiller, 7.2/10.
Fun episode with a nice Hitchcockian twist at the end.  I'd say this episode is indicative of the series.
3. "The Days Dwindle Down," Murder, She Wrote, Season 3, Episode 21, Lynch, 7.0/10.
A man who just served time in prison carries the moral shame of the conviction despite his insistence that he is innocent.  His wife finds Jessica and asks her to clear his name.  The investigation and typical high jinks ensue.  Good times.
4. "The Victim," Gunsmoke, Season 13, Episode 16, 1968, McEveety, 7.0/10.
A disliked, mentally challenged man is accused of murder.  Wow.  1968?  I suppose you can't have a black man protagonist, even in the most intelligent, progressive series on TV, so you pick another horribly misunderstood demographic.  Well done.  Solid episode.
5. "Deadman's Law," Gunsmoke, Season 13, Episode 17, 1968, Rich, 7.8/10.
Every town has the greedy hawks who would take everything from you if you let your guard down.  Ok, it's maybe not that dramatic, but it's part of the freeloading suite, so to speak.  Matt has trouble on the trail, and a mafia-like group of cattle ranchers tries to seize power in the town.  And they do, and it's a big standoff.  Good episode more in a traditional trope of Westerns.
6. "The Gunrunners," Gunsmoke, Season 13, Episode 21, 1968, Moore, 6.0/10.
Finding an injured Native, the town doctor can't decide if it's foul play or an accident, but it's quickly solved and leads to a plot that makes the title ring true.  It's not the greatest episode, the action is lacking (as is the story), and you wonder if they were struggling to put together stories near the end of season #13.  Solid acting and story still, but not the quality I've come to expect from the series.
7. "The Sixth Finger," The Outer Limits, Season 1, Episode 5, 1963, Goldstone, 8.2/10.
Many ideas colliding here.  Human evolution, it's natural "progression," the rube-ish nature of small town folk, science as a discipline, and more.
8. "Forecast: Low Clouds and Coastal Fog," The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Season 1, Episode 17, 1963, Haas, 7.0/10.
Concepts of love, marriage, race, boredom, and various other things all collide here.  This episode deserves a re-viewing.

Steps Toward Reconciliation, Job Application Listing (ALATWA #17) 10 March 2014

Yesterday dad got Ada a huge 51" Samsung and HP laptop at Walmart.  We went back up to their place, I stayed the night, and I helped them set it up.  Tomorrow, mom and I head to Eugene and get a load of my stuff at the storage unit.  No real plans aside from doing applications for the rest of the week.

I have plenty of things to write about though, so that's what I'm going to focus on.  I need to spend a couple of hours doing these blog entries, but since I'm behind a couple of days, I'm going to keep them short and sweet.

I'm still trying to see 12 Years a Slave at the KTP, but I'm not sure what my financial status is.  Hopefully get my license back and work for dad a day or two.

I've only dropped off resumes at Hop-n-Grape, Starbucks, and the coffee cart near Safeway on 15th.  

Busy and Trying (Weekend Review #15) 9 March 2014

Still working on finding a job and it's quite frustrating.  I really don't want to go back and write journal entries, but in order to fully live in the present, I must forge a schedule.

I found out that my license had been suspended and worked on things around town to get it squared away.  Now I'm waiting for Progressive to mail an SR22 to the state of Oregon so they can give me permission to reinstate my license.  Lots of trouble.  :/

I've got to get prepared, see into the future as much as I can and realize that I have obligations and responsibilities.

A Plan (Saturday Life #17) 8 March 2014

I'm behind in my journaling, but I've got to catch up.  It's the story of my life, and whereas in the past I'd let things fall through the cracks, no more.

I've got to rehabilitate my license, get a job, and seriously get moving.  I have too many practical ways that I want to change this world for the better.

As I'm currently typing this live from the Longview Public Library, I was helping by an old co-worker (I used to work here as a page in 2000).  Leon has always been a nice standup guy to me and he still works here.  I can't blame him.  He would always ask if I'd seen the pretty girl that just walked in.  It was pretty awesome and helped make the stodginess of this place vanish.

Wrestling With Olivia (Friday Life #15) 7 March 2014

Bloggers are caricatured as whiners. Live journal, Myspace, Facebook is all about confessing how horribly tough we have it in life and meanwhile continuing the same behavior that got us there.

I have basically decided that I don't ever want to be with most women because I don't care about making much money. If I could make amazing money while cooking, writing, gardening, or some other venture where I felt I was making a huge difference in the world, great, but that is unlikely, and striving for that makes it come from an unnatural place, which completely defeats the purpose, so fuck that. I'd rather work a job I semi-believe in and make not great money to continue pursuing greatness on the side tan risk ever selling out.

Anyway, that makes my lifestyle a bit rough and tumble and thus, not appealing to the majority of women out their, who, pursuing their own evolutionary ghosts, require great stability and investment. I have no desire to perpetuate that or anything remotely like it, nor do I care about passing on what I consider I to be my blemished genes.

Olivia still haunts me though, and that really sucks. I was madly in love with her, and she was by far the most balanced girl I'd ever met.

Coming to terms with all of this hurts and isn't easy. Parts of me are in love with a romanticized concept of having children. Think of how much I could improve upon what my parents taught? Wrong. My kids would still hate me. I see how good parents produce good kids who love them and I have no idea how that is done. It's frightening. I live in a world of sick codependency and I have no notion of how to get out of it.
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Location:Louisiana St,Longview,United States

12 Years a Knave (A Look At The Weekend #14) 6 March 2014

Blogging a day late from the Longview Public Library, god bless these gentle folk! Quite pleased with them and their free wi-fi!

This weekend I hope to see 12 Years a Slave at the Kelso Theater Pub finally!

Having kids is stupid. I look at the job that was done on me, and I know I can't do much better, so fuck that idea.

Today Mike blew up at me because I was in the spare bedroom and didn't make the bed. Rather than ask me to do it, it gets done for me and I get insulted repeatedly for it. Apparently my dishes have to be re-washed, I'm not taking care of the cat (which isn't mine), and I'm a failure in general. The cat has also scratched up their leather couch.

I hate to be Rick James here, but fuck your couch. Seriously. I've lost almost all respect for my mom. It hurts to say it, but it's true. The way she lives and then she picks at me for not showering and shaving frequently. Fuck you! At least I live cleanly and see the world with clear eyes. I can't wait to be out of this shithole.

I can't ever have kids because I'm fucked for life with these standards instilled in me. It's ridiculous! She cuts with words and then talks about me using the computer as if I'm wasting my life! I'm looking for a job and I'd like to fill my free time with chatting with new people, playing magic, and streaming television shows, whereas I could hang out with Mike and hash over the same bullshit idioms and half-baked bullshit comments that we talk about every three times we are in the same room together or hang out with her on the smoke filled patio of hell and watch tv out there. There's nobody worth hanging out with in this town (my appreciation of Shane is either really slipping or his jokes and witticisms have grown beyond trite), I hate it's lack of culture, and I guess I'm condemned to sitting in the basement and watching more movies.


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Location:Louisiana St,Longview,United States

What to Say? (Music #16) 5 March 2014

Today I'm going to write about an album that changed my life:
Pushmonkey's "Pushmonkey."

Keeping with last week's theme, this is an album that I listened to when I was in my late teens/early 20s.  It helped confirm that music was different than the pablum they played on the radio.

Here are a couple of tracks:
"Limitless"
"Cut The Cord"
"Spider"

It's not great at all.  It just helped having to listen to Green Day and Bush non-stop with the idiots that I went to high school with.  :)

More so than this year reeks of underachievement, my listening habits of laziness.  More next week.

Award Season (Film #15) 4 March 2013

I did decently this week.  The film of the week goes to Rio Grande.  Gravity took most of the notable awards home at the 2014 Academy Awards, though top picture winner, 12 Years a Slave, was the glorious upstart and my fascination with Steve McQueen makes this a must-see!  Hopefully by next week.

The Last Films I've Seen
1. Presumed Innocent, 1990, Pakula, 6.8.
Dark.  I like 'em dark.  This was a good one, all things said.  Man accused of crime he didn't commit, fairly unpredictable actual killer, solid mystery/thriller.
2. "Man From The South," Alfred Hitchcock Presents, 1960, Season 5, Episode 15, Lloyd, 9.0.
The remake by Quentin Tarantino in the fourth room of Four Rooms imbued this with a certain excitement for me from the start.  Not only does Tarantino borrow from old TV/Film, he sometimes remakes it.  Cool. Great episode, with Peter Lorre as a fiendish finger forager.  Good stuff.
3. "Inmates," The Walking Dead, 2014, Season 4, Episode 10, Brock, 6.8/10.
The group is scattered and they're trying to find one another.  There's a lot of silence in this episode, which could make for a better viewing environment, but not enough happens in it to really rise out of the ordinary.  A little more visual beauty would have made this episode strong, but as it stands, it was just sort of blase.
4. Pierrot le Fou, 1965, Godard, 8.2/10.
I watched the first 30 minutes of this twice.  It was invigorating and cast a spell, in it's discussion of Velazquez, and it's chromatic filters.  It devolves a bit into Godard fare, with timelines inconsistent, preoccupation with mysterious words and phrases and actions, and bizarre characters who met each other in past lives or years past.  In other words, the film went from really really good to really good.  Belmondo and Karina were on their game.  Good movie.
5. Rio Grande, 1950, Ford, 8.4/10.
Quality western with some amazing elements.  The music was superb.  The acting, likewise, was superb.  Elements of the story were also great, but it lacked a bit that would have made it even better.  The Native Americans were fairly faceless, which knocks things down in my book.  Still, very close to a 9/10 movie.

Busy Monday (ALATWA #16) 3 March 2014

I need to clean up my room, organize everything I have at mom's, and bring stuff to dad's.  I need to keep writing.  I need to do a lot really.

Tomorrow my dad is helping with money for the Washington pharmacy tech license.

I'm doing resumes at Trey and Julia's. Dropping them off at hop n' grape and the coffee cart near Safeway and she'll on 15th in Longview.

My Favorite Quote (Weekend Review #14) 2 March 2014

"Mensch Werden Ist Eine Kunst."  Novalis
To become human is an art.

12 Years a Slave on Computer! (Saturday Life #16) 1 March 2014

Didn't get to see it in theaters.  It's $8 now for a ticket at the Kelso Theater Pub.  I think it was like $4.50 before.  Crazy how inflation keeps creeping along.

More for later.  Movies movies movies for now.