Ugh. I'm always asking myself, "how did I get here?" It's a tough question to answer at any given time, but it's gotta be done sometimes.
This week, I have to give my cat away. "I couldn't do that" a lot of you would say. Well, guess what. FUCK YOU. If your back was against the wall and it were the difference between staying alive and not, you would do it. I have no other way of going on living. I can't move in at my brother's (because apparently I'm not tidy enough), and I can't move in at my father's (because I owe my stepmother money and she's really pissed off at me and probably will be for a long time), neither of those homes would accept another cat anyway. I would have to have her live outside, which presents many issues. Her survival, her access to human companionship (only an idiot would say that that isn't an important part of a domesticated cat's life, especially one acclimated to 9 years of daily attention, sleeping with a human, etc), and many issues with me. Guilt (something some of us know nothing about, apparently), frustration, the logistics of giving my cat attention, and many other things. It's for the best, I guess. I need to become more tidy and work on repairing human relationships, and becoming a better person, in a few key areas. I'm perfectly normal in some ways, but there are others where I'm not. Having a cat isn't part of my life scheme currently. I don't deserve one with the place I've gotten myself in.
I still don't know what I'm going to do. I may hurt myself. I can't take this. Tears.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
No comments:
Post a Comment