I am so frustrated with myself. Why why why can't I finish unloading my stuff at this place??? Why can't I organize and make lists and really embrace living in a much more organized, impassioned manner?
The last couple of weeks have seen me completing similar cycles with girls for no good reason. First there was Jessica. I definitely wasn't into her personally, but she seemed potentially cool and I was ready to get to know her. I had to cancel plans a couple of times and she basically finally texted me that she didn't want me to text her anymore. Of course she was 23 and her reasoning was that she didn't think we were clicking.. I can understand that but I am not sure it was the actual reason, seeing as how she seemed to have fun while we hung out, and even sent me unrequested naked pictures. I certainly don't think a girl's proclivity for sharing pictures - especially nude - has anything to do with actual interest in a person, but I could see her being angry with me canceling plans. Was it some sort of weird inability to communicate her actual desires/intentions/distaste to me? I wish so badly sometimes that I could put myself in people's minds. I just don't get it. What makes someone think that this enfolding action that is about to happen is OK? Is there rational thought behind the synapses and stimuli that lead to this?
Howabout this girl Saryn. We hang out a couple of times, and I'm expressing my interest in her, as something other than friends. She keeps saying (over the course of a few days) that its a possibility. We hang out on my birthday and we're having a couple of drinks, playing some pool, and she lets me know that she has to leave. She heads out and I finish my beer and game of pool and I leave and she leaves the tab for me. Here's what goes through Cody's mind: This girl is in college, working hard just to get by, we've discussed the potential of dating, and she leaves her bill to be paid for by me. Ok, that's cool.. She doesn't even ask if I can cover the bill. Fair enough. Knowing it is my birthday, and that I'm not exactly well off, but if we are potentially dating, I wouldn't mind covering the bill for someone who is less well off than me. That has to be what she is thinking, right? I mean.. right? Wrong. The next day she says we should be friends. Hahaha. The night after I bought her beers on my birthday. Wow. People are so fucking stupid!
Don't get me wrong, I can be too. But I guess I'm a little quicker to admit it than most.
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