I spent four and a half years spilling blood, sweat, and tears into a job and was on unemployment for a year and a half, spiraling out of control psychologically, spiritually, and apparently physically, and apparently I'm a leech. I'll admit, if people didn't know me better, they'd probably feel that way. Life has been really rough on me the last 7 years, and I have a horrible time handling problems. None of these things will I dispute, but the choices my parents have made and continue to make are appalling and it should serve as no surprise to see the choices I've made.
The only thing I can do is stop making those choices. It means vigilance, diligence, and being able to write and express myself. It's tough though, because there are no decent connections anywhere around me. What is love? I mean.. I feel ripped apart because of the "love" I get from my family. I've always thought it was mainly my mom that taught me to manipulate and such, but codependence is a two-edged sword.
"You are staying in your mom's house which you don't have to pay rent and no other expenses such as food and utility. You might stay there forever. When you were receiving unemployment why didn't you get a job? Because you are too lazy and want to use the system until it expires. This tells me that you want us to keep the cat in the green house almost forever. It is like giving her away anyway and we don't like cats. "
I know my stepmom used to read my blog. I sure hope she doesn't now, but if she does, here is how I feel:
FUCK YOU.
Wait, let me say that again. FUCK YOU. I will never sleep in or stay in your house again. I won't eat a bite of food from there, and I just won't want you in my life.
Ok, I feel better. I'm going to crank on Godard's Le Mepris and call it good. I'll write about movies next week.
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